The Return of Dance

To move my body intuitively is not a new story. But it’s one that dates back a long time ago. It’s a healing return…

As a young girl, I could dance freely and endlessly to any kind of music. My childhood mega living room was a sacred space keen to nourish this natural and personal medicine. Curious, my parents often peaked in to watch me. And yet, every time I felt their presence, I froze. It was an intimate moment with myself. I was raw. I was vulnerable. I was expressing the momentary urges and instinctual moves & rhythms…pure bliss!

To officiate this passion, I was led to the traditional route of Ballet Jazz, thinking this would bring much joy. Unfortunately, I was meant to meet someone who would shatter such fragile and loveable parts of my Self. I was bullied. Put in a corner every class by one of the girls. Teased, called fat, fingers pointed at, laughed at for wearing pink underwear’s and constantly received the death stare.

Apprehension, nervousness crept within me. What will she say next class? What am I doing so wrongly? What should I wear to hide my curves? The first signs of body shame arose. Self-doubt and my personal esteem were also deeply affected.

Too young to fully grasp, I kept shut for three enduring years. I felt ashamed. The only courageous solution I could eventually find was to stop dancing…and to stop it completely.

My mom was so surprised and saddened of such a decision. She saw my passion and had always encouraged me tenderly. Basketball, what many people know me for, became the replacement, as I buried dance deeply away.

Until one memorable day, in 2019, I tasted myself again as my childhood ways. While travelling, I felt called to offer myself a 5Rhythms workshop. On that day, the raw, the authentic, the intuitive dancing Annik resurfaced. That moment will forever remain engraved.

Re-embracing with authentic movement has marked an important passage for me. To feel deeply again, to return to my body more gently, to trust my intuitive expressive nature, to share my Self unapologetically. All these ways bring me back to my femineity.

For so many years, I couldn’t lay my eyes on this girl. I despised her for such verbal aggressions. And yet, somehow, there is a part of me that can recognize the teachings behind such a painful childhood trauma. She was young, unconscious of her hurtful ways and most likely, suffering too. Despite all the psychological injuries, I can now find the strength to forgive her as I slowly forgive myself for all those times I lost my own inner power.

I am finding my way back home. I am reclaiming lost parts that naturally heal me back into self-love. From this affirmative & courageous stance, I honour my dance, my Truth.

Thank you for reading these words that share a personal intimate healing story. I am curious, how does this piece resonate with you? Do you feel you’ve departed away from a precious childhood part of your Self? Right now, what is something (a passion, a quality of being) you wish to claim back?

May you know it is possible, once recognized.

The Feminine Way invites us to heal and reclaim lost parts to become whole, authentic and in our own power again, a true desire I wish for you my dear.

If these words spoke to you, share to those who could benefit:

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